I Hate You, I Love You, I Can't Decide
by SoraxSilverheart01
Summary: Rayn Silverheart was a normal kid living with her twin,younger brother,and parents,but with a simple knock on her door, everything changed.She began to hate Shinra and now she has to be a SOLDIER to bring Shinra down. Full summary inside.M to be safe.R
1. Prologue: Blossoming Hatred

Sky Chrysanthemum: How's it, everybody! I know it's been a while since I last posted, but it's not my fault. I just didn't have any good plot running and I was having writers' block which I despise. Please forgive and don't hurt me in any way. Okay, now that that is out of my system. Let's go on with all the boring stuff.

Disclaimer: I don't need any for this chapter yet. (I think...)

Summary: Rayn Silverheart had never hated anything in her life, but when one knock to her door changed everything, she began to hate Shinra. Joining with an anti-Shinra group, Rayn is now undercover to destroy Shinra. What she never expected was what she had to do in order to get into Shinra or the fact that she is falling in love with one of her enemies and a past she never knew she had.

Warnings: AU, blood, death, I don't know what else... (Don't blame me) So rated M to be safe.

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**I Hate You, I Love You, I Can't Decide**

**Prologue: Blossoming Hatred**

A boy and girl, that looked to be about the age of twelve years, were walking home from school, at least the girl was. They both had short hair that spiked out, but the girl's spiked hair was flat, yet they both had the same long locks of hair going to their shoulder blade. Their hair color was black at the roots that slowly turned gold towards the tips. Their eyes were the exact same color, ocean blue with crimson circling the blue. They were twins and had almost everything in common, even personalities.

The boy stopped at the gate of a house, turning to his sister. "Okay Rayn. I'll be going now, you head straight home," the boy said.

"I will," the girl, Rayn, answered.

"Be safe, is that understood?"

"Rayxin, I'm not a little kid," Rayn complained.

"I know, but still..." Rayxin paused, ignoring the funny feeling he had in his stomach.

"Yeah, yeah and besides, you're the one that acts like a five year old," Rayn teased with a light smile on her features.

"Hey!"

"You know it's true."

"Just get going," Rayxin ordered before turning onto the walkway to his friend's house. They both had to finish a project by tomorrow and Rayxin wasn't too keen on failing.

"Yes sir!" Rayn mocked saluted to Rayxin before walking away to head home.

The walk only took Rayn thirty minutes to get to her house; it was on a hill a little ways off from the rest of town. Once inside, Rayn went straight to the living room to drop off her bag.

Before Rayn could drop her bag, a blur of black and gold rushed up to her. The blur hitting her in her stomach and chest, effectively knocking the wind out of her lungs with an "oof" and earning a giggle from the thing that was latched onto her.

Looking down, Rayn just gave a big smile to the mass of blackish gold spikes attached to her. "Heya Storm," Rayn greeted to the blur, which was actually a boy of seven.

"Hi Rayn!" Storm greeted back happily.

"So, how was school?" Rayn asked as she gave her younger brother a hug.

"Boring and icky!"came the reply as Storm made a face at the mention of school.

"Really? And how was it boring and icky?" Rayn asked, sitting on the couch and pulling Storm onto her lap like always.

"There was nothing fun to do!" Storm said, giving a dramatic sigh.

"That was boring and icky?"

"There was a food fight!"

"Did you join?" Although Rayn already knew the answer before Rayn had even asked the question. Storm was one of the few kids that actually hates to get dirty with food and that their parents would kill them if they did get into a food fight.

"Nope! Mommy and Daddy would kill me!"

"Good." Rayn smiled in approval. "And where are Mom and Dad?"

"They're in their room sleeping."

"I see. Are you hungry?" Rayn asked as she looked over to the clock, seeing that it was already late.

"Yes!"

"Okay, what do you want to eat then?"

"Curry!"

"Curry it is then."

Rayn went to the kitchen and started with their dinner. Setting up all the necessary equipments and taking out the necessary ingredients. As Rayn chopped up the vegetables, Rayn had allowed Storm to stir the pot as she added the vegetables. While they were cooking, Rayn's and Storm's laughter filled the air. It was one of those days where a sister bonds with her brother, not like they needed anymore bonding. All three siblings were already closer than to anybody else. They even made a promise to always stay together no matter what, but that promise was to be broken with a simple knock to the door.

_Hmm? That's strange. We're not expecting any visitors tonight, so did Rayxin forget something? _Rayn questioned, slowing her actions with the knife.

"Rayn, want me to get the door?"Storm asked.

"No, I'll get it. You just keep mixing the curry," Rayn said as she wiped her hands on a rag, before going to answer the door. Once the door was half way open, Rayn began to speak. "Geez, Rayx, did you for-" Rayn was stopped midsentence when a fist was connected to her abdomen. Rayn was slouching on the floor, grasping her abdomen in pain. The punch was out of nowhere and it scared Rayn slightly. Looking up, Rayn saw men in black clothes storming in her house.

"Rayn, are you playing one of your games again?" her mother asked as she descended from the stairs. "You're too-"

A gunshot was heard as Ryan saw her mother collapse down the stairs. The hair on the back of her neck standing on ends as her mother fell down the stairs.

"Crystal?" her father called, also descending from the stairs, but shortly stopping at the sight of his wife's body on the floor surrounded by her own blood.

"Sai... get Storm and Rayn... out..." came Crystal's voice in a soft whisper. The bullet having hit her in the chest.

"Crystal!" Sai screamed as he ran over to his wife's body. Bending down, he held her close to his chest.

"Shin...ra... they found us..." With that, Crystal's eyes went blank as she closed it, her heart stopping in her chest. Sai just sat there and watched, not entirely sure what had just happen.

"Let me go!" Storm kicked and screamed at the man that was holding him.

Upon hearing her brother, Rayn had stood up from the position she was on the floor. "Let go of my brother," Rayn half growled, half ordered as her eyes flashed full crimson.

The man just smiled at Rayn, disregarding her as harmless.

When Sai had finally looked up from his wife, his entire being stiffened. He could sense that Rayn was different. There was a malicious aura surrounding his daughter and it scared him. "This can't be...We escaped for this reason..." Sai said softly.

Not even hearing her father's words, Rayn lunged at the man. Multiple gunshots were heard. Each finding their target in one of the members of the Silverheart family. Sai stared in shock as he fell to the floor and watched his children get shot before he was taken by the darkness.

Rayn staggered as two bullets ripped through her flesh. One going through her right thigh and another going through her left upper arm. The pain barely registering in her brain as she heard Storm cry from the pain of his own bullet wound. Rayn walked over to the man, but another shot went through her from the man holding Storm. Despite the pain in her left arm and her chest, she grabbed the man's head in between both her hands.

"No one should've survived that shot. What the hell are you?" the man questioned as Rayn ripped off his head.

Dropping the man's head, Rayn pulled Storm to her chest despite the blood that was escaping from her own body. Her only thought focused on Storm.

"Rayn... it hurts... Make it go away..." Storm cried.

"Don't worry Storm... It'll be gone soon..."Rayn said as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the hospital.

After a few seconds of the line ringing, a woman answered. "Hello, what is your emergency?"

"You have to help... They've been shot..." Rayn said as she tried to keep herself calm, but the tears were slowly coming out as she clutched Storm tighter to her chest.

"Rayn!" Storm shouted, but the warning was too late.

Pain suddenly filled Rayn's mind as the pain traveled from her chest and crossing over her back to her lower abdomen. Looking over her shoulder, Rayn saw a man with a monster. The monster had many tails and two of them were covered with her own blood. Rayn didn't even realize that she had dropped the phone when she barely heard the woman shouting on the other end.

"Ma'am! Are you okay! What's wrong? We're sending help!"

The man just laughed and as if on cue, the monster lunged at Rayn.

At that point, everything had slowed down for Rayn like one of those action movies, except this was real. Her body was shoved roughly to the side. Looking up, she saw that Storm was attacked in her place. As soon as the monster had jumped back, Rayn ran over to her younger brother, holding his upper body in her arms.

"Storm! Storm!" Rayn shouted as she shook Storm.

Storm just looked at his sister, his eyes slightly glazed over. "Rayn okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay, but-" she could speak anymore; the tears had escaped from her eyes and was dripping down onto Storm's face.

"Good..." Storm smiled at his sister. "I love you, Rayn... and Rayxin..." With those words said, Storm's eyes began to close, while his body turned cold and lifeless in Rayn's arms.

"Storm... please open your eyes..." Rayn begged as more tears fell.

"How pathetic you really are," the man said in a cold tone. Rayn stiffened at the man's voice. "You know, they said that there were some strong pests to take care of and what do I get? A bunch of weak ass kids and their parents. Man, Shinra owes me big time."

Something snapped in Rayn. Her vision was fading to red then black. She didn't even realize when she had placed her brother on the ground. Or the fact that the monster had charged at her to attack her again. A mild sting, in the same area the bullet had ripped through her arm, registered in Rayn's mind. After that pain passed, she couldn't register anything else. Not the gunshots, not her surrounding, nor the screams of the people she killed, just the pain in her heart. The lost of her parents and Storm. She didn't feel the blood that sprayed across her face or body. All she wanted to do was to get that man's cold voice out of her head.

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By the time the police and paramedics had came to her house, Rayn was standing in the middle of a massacre, blood covering every inch of her body. Dead bodies strewn across the floor, the only place where there wasn't any drop of blood was where Storm laid dead. The paramedics strapped Rayn to a stretcher, but when she began to fight back, they held her down to sedate her. Before they had sedated her, Rayn let out an anguish scream for her lost, for hers and Rayxin's lost.

Rayn woke to the sounds of beeping of a heart meter. She couldn't recall what she was doing there or where she even was. All she could remember was making dinner with Storm, answering the door, and-

"STORM!" Rayn shouted as she sat straight up, her eyes scanning for her younger brother. "Where is he? Is he okay?"

"Rayn, calm down," Rayxin's voice reached her as he grabbed both of Rayn's arms to stop her, making sure he didn't hurt his sister.

Rayn turned to look at her twin. "Rayx, where's Storm? Please tell me he's okay," Rayn pleaded. Rayxin eyes turned sad at the mention of Storm's name and took his hands away from his twin's arms. If that was any indicator, it went unnoticed by Rayn. "Rayx?"

"Rayn," Rayxin started, sadness in his eyes and voice. "He's dead... along with our parents..."

"Rayx, don't lie to me. Don't even kid around like that," Rayn said, grabbing her twin's sleeve "That's not funny." Rayxin just looked away. "No..." she said softly, disbelief flashing in her eyes. Rayn grasped her head in her hands and drew her legs up to her chest, realization hitting her in her face like a slap. "No... It can't be..." Her heartbeat was slowly picking up in pace. "NO!" And the tears came pouring down her face as she shook her head violently.

At that moment the doctors and nurses had rushed into the room to calm Rayn down. Desperate to keep her from ripping out the needles and I.V.s from her arms and to stop her break down. All the while, Rayxin just stood to the side to watch everything that happened to Rayn quietly, but sadly. His own tears slipping down his cheeks unnoticed.

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Sky: Well this is the prologue and damn it is certainly long for one. Don't worry I think the rest of the chapters will be shorter...(Hopefully.) So yeah... If you're wondering how Rayxin's name is pronounce it is Ray-shin. Okay? Got it? Good. Well review or whatever you wanna do. I just want to know if I'm doing okay or whatever.


	2. Girl Turns Boy

Sky: I'm back! Oh my gaia, this chapter took me forever to plan out. From watching my siblings to going to places and etc. It gets really stressful. And now it really begins from this point on. Which is a good thing. Hmm... anything else I need to say? I don't think so. OH! Wait I do. The prologue had to get re-write all because I saw to much mistakes and I'm trying to learn to be a good writter and need to be a good proofreader. And I mean I really _need_ to learn how to. So yeah, enough of my rambling and on with the warnings and the story and stuff.

Disclaimer: I don't need any for this chapter so ha! But don't worry dear readers, I will need a real disclaimer for the next chapter. So don't worry.

Summary: Rayn Silverheart had never hated anything in her life, but when one knock to her door changed everything, she began to hate Shinra. Joining with an anti-Shinra group, Rayn is now undercover to destroy Shinra. What she never expected was what she had to do in order to get into Shinra or the fact that she is falling in love with one of her enemies and a past she never knew she had.

Warnings: Sex change! (Okay who didn't see that coming? And be truthful cuz it's in the chapter title.) No other warnings is necessary for now. Except a strangely calm Rayn. You'll understand after you read.

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**Chapter 1: Girl Turns Boys**

As the slums slowly woke from their sleep, a girl of sixteen was already up and on the roof of her home. The girl held one knee up to her chest as she rested her arm on it and then her head. Her face devoid of emotions like it had for the past four years. It was one of her routines, to get up and sit on the roof to watch the slums rise, ever since she joined the anti-Shinra group, PROTECTOR. Though she never really sleeps so she always thought that she woke up before the sun since everyone was still asleep. Not like it really matter, the slums were under the plates and you could never tell if it was night or day unless you had a watch.

"Rayn! Get down here!" a male's voice called from below.

Rayn just jumped from the roof and landing next to the boy that looked so much like her.

"Rayn, come on, you have to talk sooner or later," the boy said. Rayn just walked into the house, disregarding the other completely. "For gaia's sake Rayn, will you at least say hi," the boy siad angrily. He was really getting sick of Rayn's attitude of the past four years.

"Rayn, will you talk to Rayxin. He's your brother after all," a man in his early twenties said, polishing a katana. He had pale skin and stood at six feet with flat spiked raven black hair. His hair consisting of some natural gold highlights accompanied by piercing ocean blue eyes.

Rayn turned to face the man and Rayxin, her conversation already coming out of her mouth, "Sorry Rayx, but I had a lot on my mind and Kaisu, stay out of this."

"Rayn, don't take anything out on Kais. He's just trying to help with your attitude," Rayxin said, slightly puffing out his chest in annoyance as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"My attitude is just fine, got a problem too bad. So just tell me our next plan of attack," Rayn said, her tone staying the same throughout, blank. With that said, she went to her room, leaving the two guys to talk to themselves.

Rayxin just sighed at his sister's attitude. It had been the same for four years and still going strong ever since the incident. All he wanted was his old sister back.

"Rayxin," Kaisu called, getting the other's attention.

"Yes Kais?" Rayxin answered, leaving his thoughts behind.

"The leader had informed me what the next plan was," Kaisu informed, but before Rayxin could ask, Kaisu contined. "He wants Rayn to go in as a kid aspiring to be a SOLDIER, as in a spy," Kaisu concluded, still polishing another weapon.

Rayxin just stared at the older male, confusion lining his features. "But Rayn's a girl?" Rayxin pointed out with a stupid expression.

"Yes, the leader knows that, but-" Kaisu started to explain, but was quickly interrupted by Rayxin.

"Why Rayn? She's been through enough and besides, you can only get into SOLDIER if you're a _guy_," Rayxin pointed out.

"The reason he chose Rayn is because he believes Rayn will rise through the ranks faster than anyone else and her being a girl is no problem at all. You see, we found something quite useful."

"And what would that be?"

"A materia that can change an individual's gender."

"You're giving Rayn a sex change!" Kaisu shouted.

"Yes," was Kaisu's simple reply.

Meanwhile, Rayn was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking of ways she could destroy Shinra like always. It was another of her pass times, ever since she had remembered who caused her family's death. Memories from that day would flash in her mind like it was happening at that very instant. The blood she had spilled still fresh amd the pain in her heart, no matter how hard she tried to forget.

_It's my fault_, Rayn thought, her mask slipping only a little as she thought of the incident._ If I had been stronger, if I had never answered the door, then Storm would still be here and smiling_. It was always the same thoughts that went through her tortured mind. She blamed herself for everything that had happen that day. As if to remind her, there was the gaint x-shaped scar on her back that ran from her chest to her lower abdomen and the scar on her left arm that wrapped around her upper arm in an almost complete circle. Even with those scars, Rayn went to the nearest tattoo shop after she was released from the hospital and had a tattoo of the roman numeral seven on her upper right arm. The reason she had it as seven was because she had killed seven people that night, but the main reason was that Storm had died at the age of seven.

Knock, knock, knock

Rayn sat up, the knocking disturbing her train of thought. Putting her mask on completely, Rayn said, "Come in, it's open." The door opened to reveal her twin brother, Rayxin. "What is it, Rayxin?" Rayn asked monotonously.

"Kaisu wants you downstairs to give you the next plan the leader wants you to carry out," Rayxin said, not even looking at his twin.

"Okay," Rayn said as she stood from her bed and walking over to the door. "And Rayxin," Rayn started, stopping in front of her twin.

"Yeah?" Rayxin questioned, looking to his sister.

"Smile. Only I can be like that, after all you're the hyperactive brother."

"Heh, right," Rayxin said, smiling at his twin.

"Good. Now, let's go see Kaisu," Rayn said, leaving her room.

Once downstairs, Rayn listened to the upcoming plan. She didn't even make a noise at the mention of the sex change, but just listened to it. After the plan was explain, Rayn finally spoke up.

"So, I'm getting a sex change," Rayn said, more as a statement than a question.

"That is right, Rayn," Kaisu said, nodding his head.

"And when do you want me to join SOLDIER?"

"They're having a recruiyment this Saturday at the Shinra building. All you have to do is fill out the papers from one of the recruiters and they'll tell you when you have to go again to the Shinra building."

"Right. So, when do I get my gender swap?" Rayn asked like changing gender was an everyday topic.

"You can get it now or later. It's up to you."

"Now would be better. That way I can adjust."

"Right," Kaisu said, taking out a materia from the desk he was sitting at. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

With that Kaisu charged the materia and aimed it at Rayn. Taking a deep breath, Rayn steadied herself for the spell. With in less than a minute, Rayn was now a young man.

"There you go, Rayn, Rayxin. Rayn, you're now a guy and Rayxin, it didn't hurt her- I mean him," Kaisu said, putting away the materia.

Rayxin circled his twin once, before he stopped behind Rayn and frowned. Rayn, you look like a girl from behind," he said as he looked at Rayn again.

"It's probably because of the clothes he's wearing, Rayx," Kaisu stated after he had look at Rayn as well.

"Would you like me to go change?" Rayn asked in his new lowered voice, calmly. It didn't even phase him that he was a guy now instad of a girl.

"I'll go get you a change of clothes," Rayxin offered. Leaving the room, before Rayn could respond.

Sighing, Rayn sat down in one of the many chairs they had in their house. "So, what am I allowed to bring?" Rayn asked, looking at the other male.

"The basics. Whatever you need," Kaisu answered, picking up a gun and cleaning it.

Rayn stayed silent after that. He would have to go shopping for later on and get use to his new body. Just then, Rayxin came into the room with a pair of clothes for Rayn. Placing the items in his twin's arm, he motioned for the other to go and change. Doing as he was indicated, Rayn went into another room to go change.

After a while, Rayn came back into the room that Kaisu and Rayxin was still in. He wore a simple black long sleeve botton down shirt with a matching black jeans. Although Rayn still had his belt from his other outfit on still, since the pants was a bit too big for his waist. The clothes matched perfectly with him, considering he never wore a dress or skirt as a girl or anything girly for that matter.

Walking over to his twin, Rayn saw the bright smile on Rayxin's face. "You know, this may actually work," Rayxin said proudly. This earning an object being tossed at the back of his head. Grasping the back of his head, Rayxin faced the older male. "Ow! What was that for, Kaisu?" the teen asked, his lips turning into a pout.

Kaisu just shrugged. "I felt like," was his only reply. This causing a small quarrel to emerge between the two males.

Sighing softly, Rayn left the room and effectively leaving the two to their little quarrel. Once outside, Rayn let a small smile grace his usually stoic features. One of few that nobody will ever see. Walking to the front door, Rayn went out to shop for some much needed clothes.

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Sky: See what I mean. How can Rayn stay calm when she got turned into a boy? I mean seriously, would you stay calm? Okay, I guess I'll be like Rayn as well, because I'm one of those girls that isn't a fan in dresses, skirts, make up, etc. No offense to those who wear those, but I can't stand them. One, I have horrible experiences in dresses from when I was a kid. Two, I can't spar in them when I have a sparring match with my friend and I can't play sports in them. Actually, if I woke up to find I'm a guy one day, I'd be pretty happy cuz I don't have to wear dresses or what not when I go some place formal. Even my friend that I spar with would be happy. Okay, I'm babbling so I'll stop. So review and let me know how I did. Jya ne.


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